ALICES ADVENTURES
IN WONDERLAND
By Lewis Carroll
CHAPTER I. Down the Rabbit-Hole
Alice was beginning
to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing
to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but
it had no pictures or conversations in it, and what is the use of a book,
thought Alice without pictures or conversation?
So she was considering
in her own mind (as well as she could, for the hot day made her feel very sleepy
and stupid), whether the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the
trouble of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White Rabbit
with pink eyes ran close by her.
There was nothing so VERY
remarkable in that; nor did Alice think it so VERY much out of the way to hear
the Rabbit say to itself, Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be late! (when
she thought it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have wondered
at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural); but when the Rabbit actually
TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried
on, Alice started to her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never
before seen a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to take out
of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the field after it, and fortunately
was just in time to see it pop down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.
In another moment down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the
world she was to get out again.
The rabbit-hole went straight
on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that
Alice had not a moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself
falling down a very deep well.
Either the well was very
deep, or she fell very slowly, for she had plenty of time as she went down to
look about her and to wonder what was going to happen next. First, she tried
to look down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to see
anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and noticed that they were
filled with cupboards and book-shelves; here and there she saw maps and pictures
hung upon pegs. She took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it
was labelled ORANGE MARMALADE, but to her great disappointment it
was empty: she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing somebody, so
managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she fell past it.
Well! thought
Alice to herself, after such a fall as this, I shall think nothing of
tumbling down stairs! How brave theyll all think me at home! Why, I wouldnt
say anything about it, even if I fell off the top of the house! (Which
was very likely true.)
Down, down, down. Would
the fall NEVER come to an end! I wonder how many miles Ive fallen
by this time? she said aloud. I must be getting somewhere near the
centre of the earth. Let me see: that would be four thousand miles down, I think
(for, you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her lessons in
the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good opportunity for showing
off her knowledge, as there was no one to listen to her, still it was good practice
to say it over) yes, thats about the right distancebut
then I wonder what Latitude or Longitude Ive got to? (Alice had
no idea what Latitude was, or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand
words to say.)
Presently she began again.
I wonder if I shall fall right THROUGH the earth! How funny itll
seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downward! The Antipathies,
I think (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this time,
as it didnt sound at all the right word) but I shall have
to ask them what the name of the country is, you know. Please, Maam, is
this New Zealand or Australia? (and she tried to curtsey as she spokefancy
CURTSEYING as youre falling through the air! Do you think you could manage
it?) And what an ignorant little girl shell think me for asking!
No, itll never do to ask: perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.
Down, down, down. There
was nothing else to do, so Alice soon began talking again. Dinahll
miss me very much to-night, I should think! (Dinah was the cat.) I
hope theyll remember her saucer of milk at tea-time. Dinah my dear! I
wish you were down here with me! There are no mice in the air, Im afraid,
but you might catch a bat, and thats very like a mouse, you know. But
do cats eat bats, I wonder? And here Alice began to get rather sleepy,
and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of way, Do cats eat bats?
Do cats eat bats? and sometimes, Do bats eat cats? for, you
see, as she couldnt answer either question, it didnt much matter
which way she put it. She felt that she was dozing off, and had just begun to
dream that she was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very earnestly,
Now, Dinah, tell me the truth: did you ever eat a bat? when suddenly,
thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of sticks and dry leaves, and the fall
was over.
Alice was not a bit hurt,
and she jumped up on to her feet in a moment: she looked up, but it was all
dark overhead; before her was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was
still in sight, hurrying down it. There was not a moment to be lost: away went
Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it say, as it turned a corner,
Oh my ears and whiskers, how late its getting! She was close
behind it when she turned the corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen:
she found herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps hanging
from the roof.
There
were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked; and when Alice had
been all the way down one side and up the other, trying every door, she walked
sadly down the middle, wondering how she was ever to get out again.
Suddenly she came upon
a little three-legged table, all made of solid glass; there was nothing on it
except a tiny golden key, and Alices first thought was that it might belong
to one of the doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large,
or the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of them. However,
on the second time round, she came upon a low curtain
she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little door about fifteen inches
high: she tried the little golden key in the lock, and to her great delight
it fitted!
Alice opened the door and
found that it led into a small passage, not much larger than a rat-hole: she
knelt down and looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.
How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about among those beds
of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but she could not even get her head
through the doorway; and even if my head would go through, thought
poor Alice, it would be of very little use without my shoulders. Oh, how
I wish I could shut up like a telescope! I think I could, if I only know how
to begin. For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things had happened lately,
that Alice had begun to think that very few things indeed were really impossible.
There seemed to be no use
in waiting by the little door, so she went back to the table, half hoping she
might find another key on it, or at any rate a book of rules for shutting people
up like telescopes: this time she found a little bottle on it, (which
certainly was not here before, said Alice,) and round the neck of the
bottle was a paper label, with the words DRINK ME beautifully printed
on it in large letters.
It
was all very well to say Drink me, but the wise little Alice was
not going to do THAT in a hurry. No, Ill look first, she said,
and see whether its marked poison or not; for she had read
several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up
by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they WOULD not remember
the simple rules their friends had taught them: such as, that a red-hot poker
will burn you if you hold it too long; and that if you cut your finger VERY
deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had never forgotten that, if
you drink much from a bottle marked poison, it is almost certain
to disagree with you, sooner or later.
However, this bottle was
NOT marked poison, so Alice ventured to taste it, and finding it
very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard,
pine-apple, roast turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished
it off.
* * * * * * *
What a curious feeling!
said Alice; I must be shutting up like a telescope.
And so it was indeed: she
was now only ten inches high, and her face brightened up at the thought that
she was now the right size for going through the little door into that lovely
garden. First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was going
to shrink any further: she felt a little nervous about this; for it might
end, you know, said Alice to herself, in my going out altogether,
like a candle. I wonder what I should be like then? And she tried to fancy
what the flame of a candle is like after the candle is blown out, for she could
not remember ever having seen such a thing.
After a while, finding
that nothing more happened, she decided on going into the garden at once; but,
alas for poor Alice! when she got to the door, she found she had forgotten the
little golden key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she
could not possibly reach it: she could see it quite plainly through the glass,
and she tried her best to climb up one of the legs of the table, but it was
too slippery; and when she had tired herself out with trying, the poor little
thing sat down and cried.
Come, theres
no use in crying like that! said Alice to herself, rather sharply; I
advise you to leave off this minute! She generally gave herself very good
advice, (though she very seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself
so severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered trying
to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game of croquet she was
playing against herself, for this curious child was very fond of pretending
to be two people. But its no use now, thought poor Alice,
to pretend to be two people! Why, theres hardly enough of me left
to make ONE respectable person!
Soon her eye fell on a
little glass box that was lying under the table: she opened it, and found in
it a very small cake, on which the words EAT ME were beautifully
marked in currants. Well, Ill eat it, said Alice, and
if it makes me grow larger, I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller,
I can creep under the door; so either way Ill get into the garden, and
I dont care which happens!
She ate a little bit, and
said anxiously to herself, Which way? Which way?, holding her hand
on the top of her head to feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised
to find that she remained the same size: to be sure, this generally happens
when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the way of expecting nothing
but out-of-the-way things to happen, that it seemed quite dull and stupid for
life to go on in the common way.
So she set to work, and
very soon finished off the cake.
* * * * * * *
CHAPTER II. The Pool of Tears
Curiouser and
curiouser! cried Alice (she was so much surprised, that for the moment
she quite forgot how to speak good English); now Im opening out
like the largest telescope that ever was! Good-bye, feet! (for when she
looked down at her feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting
so far off). Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on your shoes
and stockings for you now, dears? Im sure I shant be able!
I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself about you: you must manage
the best way you can;but I must be kind to them, thought Alice,
or perhaps they wont walk the way I want to go! Let me see: Ill
give them a new pair of boots every Christmas.
And
she went on planning to herself how she would manage it. They must go
by the carrier, she thought; and how funny itll seem, sending
presents to ones own feet! And how odd the directions will look!
ALICES RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.
HEARTHRUG,
NEAR THE FENDER,
(WITH ALICES LOVE).
Oh dear, what nonsense
Im talking!
Just then her head struck
against the roof of the hall: in fact she was now more than nine feet high,
and she at once took up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden
door.
Poor Alice! It was as much
as she could do, lying down on one side, to look through into the garden with
one eye; but to get through was more hopeless than ever: she sat down and began
to cry again.
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself, said Alice, a great girl like you, (she might
well say this), to go on crying in this way! Stop this moment, I tell
you! But she went on all the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there
was a large pool all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down
the hall.
After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the distance, and
she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming. It was the White Rabbit returning,
splendidly dressed, with a pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large
fan in the other: he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to himself
as he came, Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! wont she be savage
if Ive kept her waiting! Alice felt so desperate that she was ready
to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit came near her, she began, in a low,
timid voice, If you please, sir The Rabbit started violently,
dropped the white kid gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness
as hard as he could go.
Alice took up the fan and
gloves, and, as the hall was very hot, she kept fanning herself all the time
she went on talking: Dear, dear! How queer everything is to-day! And yesterday
things went on just as usual. I wonder if Ive been changed in the night?
Let me think: was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can
remember feeling a little different. But if Im not the same, the next
question is, Who in the world am I? Ah, THATS the great puzzle!
And she began thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same
age as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of them.
Im sure Im
not Ada, she said, for her hair goes in such long ringlets, and
mine doesnt go in ringlets at all; and Im sure I cant be Mabel,
for I know all sorts of things, and she, oh! she knows such a very little! Besides,
SHES she, and Im I, andoh dear, how puzzling it all is! Ill
try if I know all the things I used to know. Let me see: four times five is
twelve, and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven isoh dear!
I shall never get to twenty at that rate! However, the Multiplication Table
doesnt signify: lets try Geography. London is the capital of Paris,
and Paris is the capital of Rome, and Romeno, THATS all wrong,
Im certain! I must have been changed for Mabel! Ill try and say
How doth the little and she crossed her hands on her lap as if
she were saying lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse
and strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to do:
How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spread his claws,
And welcome little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!
Im sure those
are not the right words, said poor Alice, and her eyes filled with tears
again as she went on, I must be Mabel after all, and I shall have to go
and live in that poky little house, and have next to no toys to play with, and
oh! ever so many lessons to learn! No, Ive made up my mind about it; if
Im Mabel, Ill stay down here! Itll be no use their putting
their heads down and saying Come up again, dear! I shall only look up and
say Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person,
Ill come up: if not, Ill stay down here till Im somebody elsebut,
oh dear! cried Alice, with a sudden burst of tears, I do wish they
WOULD put their heads down! I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!
As she said this she looked
down at her hands, and was surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbits
little white kid gloves while she was talking. How CAN I have done that?
she thought. I must be growing small again. She got up and went
to the table to measure herself by it, and found that, as nearly as she could
guess, she was now about two feet high, and was going on shrinking rapidly:
she soon found out that the cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she
dropped it hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.
That WAS a narrow
escape! said Alice, a good deal frightened at the sudden change, but very
glad to find herself still in existence; and now for the garden!
and she ran with all speed back to the little door: but, alas! the little door
was shut again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as before,
and things are worse than ever, thought the poor child, for
I never was so small as this before, never! And I declare its too bad,
that it is!
As
she said these words her foot slipped, and in another moment, splash! she was
up to her chin in salt water. Her first idea was that she had somehow fallen
into the sea, and in that case I can go back by railway, she said
to herself. (Alice had been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to
the general conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find
a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in the sand with
wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and behind them a railway station.)
However, she soon made out that she was in the pool of tears which she had wept
when she was nine feet high.
I wish I hadnt
cried so much! said Alice, as she swam about, trying to find her way out.
I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own
tears! That WILL be a queer thing, to be sure! However, everything is queer
to-day.
Just then she heard something
splashing about in the pool a little way off, and she swam nearer to make out
what it was: at first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then
she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that it was only
a mouse that had slipped in like herself.
Would it be of any
use, now, thought Alice, to speak to this mouse? Everything is so
out-of-the-way down here, that I should think very likely it can talk: at any
rate, theres no harm in trying. So she began: O Mouse, do
you know the way out of this pool? I
am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse! (Alice thought this must
be the right way of speaking to a mouse: she had never done such a thing before,
but she remembered having seen in her brothers Latin Grammar, A
mouseof a mouseto a mousea mouseO mouse!) The
Mouse looked at her rather inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one
of its little eyes, but it said nothing.
Perhaps it doesnt
understand English, thought Alice; I daresay its a French
mouse, come over with William the Conqueror. (For, with all her knowledge
of history, Alice had no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.)
So she began again: Ou est ma chatte? which was the first sentence
in her French lesson-book. The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the water, and
seemed to quiver all over with fright. Oh, I beg your pardon! cried
Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the poor animals feelings. I
quite forgot you didnt like cats.
Not like cats!
cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate voice. Would YOU like cats if
you were me?
Well, perhaps not,
said Alice in a soothing tone: dont be angry about it. And yet I
wish I could show you our cat Dinah: I think youd take a fancy to cats
if you could only see her. She is such a dear quiet thing, Alice went
on, half to herself, as she swam lazily about in the pool, and she sits
purring so nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her faceand
she is such a nice soft thing to nurseand shes such a capital one
for catching miceoh, I beg your pardon! cried Alice again, for
this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt certain it must be
really offended. We wont talk about her any more if youd rather
not.
We indeed!
cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end of his tail. As if
I would talk on such a subject! Our family always HATED cats: nasty, low, vulgar
things! Dont let me hear the name again!
I wont indeed!
said Alice, in a great hurry to change the subject of conversation. Are
youare you fondofof dogs? The Mouse did not answer,
so Alice went on eagerly: There is such a nice little dog near our house
I should like to show you! A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh,
such long curly brown hair! And itll fetch things when you throw them,
and itll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of thingsI
cant remember half of themand it belongs to a farmer, you know,
and he says its so useful, its worth a hundred pounds! He says it
kills all the rats andoh dear! cried Alice in a sorrowful tone,
Im afraid Ive offended it again! For the Mouse was swimming
away from her as hard as it could go, and making quite a commotion in the pool
as it went.
So she called softly after
it, Mouse dear! Do come back again, and we wont talk about cats
or dogs either, if you dont like them! When the Mouse heard this,
it turned round and swam slowly back to her: its face was quite pale (with passion,
Alice thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, Let us get to the
shore, and then Ill tell you my history, and youll understand why
it is I hate cats and dogs.
It was high time to go,
for the pool was getting quite crowded with the birds and animals that had fallen
into it: there were a Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other
curious creatures. Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the shore.
CHAPTER III. A Caucus-Race and
a Long Tale
They were indeed
a queer-looking party that assembled on the bankthe birds with draggled
feathers, the animals with their fur clinging close to them, and all dripping
wet, cross, and uncomfortable.
The first question of course
was, how to get dry again: they had a consultation about this, and after a few
minutes it seemed quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly
with them, as if she had known them all her life. Indeed, she had quite a long
argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky, and would only say, I
am older than you, and must know better; and this Alice would not allow
without knowing how old it was, and, as the Lory positively refused to tell
its age, there was no more to be said.
At last the Mouse, who
seemed to be a person of authority among them, called out, Sit down, all
of you, and listen to me! ILL soon make you dry enough! They all
sat down at once, in a large ring, with the Mouse in the middle. Alice kept
her eyes anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad cold
if she did not get dry very soon.
Ahem! said
the Mouse with an important air, are you all ready? This is the driest
thing I know. Silence all round, if you please! William the Conqueror, whose
cause was favoured by the pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted
leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and conquest. Edwin
and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria
Ugh! said the
Lory, with a shiver.
I beg your pardon!
said the Mouse, frowning, but very politely: Did you speak?
Not I! said
the Lory hastily.
I thought you did,
said the Mouse. I proceed. Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia
and Northumbria, declared for him: and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop
of Canterbury, found it advisable
Found WHAT?
said the Duck.
Found IT, the
Mouse replied rather crossly: of course you know what it means.
I know what it
means well enough, when I find a thing, said the Duck: its
generally a frog or a worm. The question is, what did the archbishop find?
The Mouse did not notice
this question, but hurriedly went on, found it advisable to go
with Edgar Atheling to meet William and offer him the crown. Williams
conduct at first was moderate. But the insolence of his Normans How
are you getting on now, my dear? it continued, turning to Alice as it
spoke.
As wet as ever,
said Alice in a melancholy tone: it doesnt seem to dry me at all.
In that case,
said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, I move that the meeting adjourn,
for the immediate adoption of more energetic remedies
Speak English!
said the Eaglet. I dont know the meaning of half those long words,
and, whats more, I dont believe you do either! And the Eaglet
bent down its head to hide a smile: some of the other birds tittered audibly.
What I was going
to say, said the Dodo in an offended tone, was, that the best thing
to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.
What IS a Caucus-race?
said Alice; not that she wanted much to know, but the Dodo had paused as if
it thought that SOMEBODY ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to
say anything.
Why, said the
Dodo, the best way to explain it is to do it. (And, as you might
like to try the thing yourself, some winter day, I will tell you how the Dodo
managed it.)
First it marked out a race-course,
in a sort of circle, (the exact shape doesnt matter, it said,)
and then all the party were placed along the course, here and there. There was
no One, two, three, and away, but they began running when they liked,
and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know when the race
was over. However, when they had been running half an hour or so, and were quite
dry again, the Dodo suddenly called out The race is over! and they
all crowded round it, panting, and asking, But who has won?
This question the Dodo
could not answer without a great deal of thought, and it sat for a long time
with one finger pressed upon its forehead (the position in which you usually
see Shakespeare, in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence.
At last the Dodo said, EVERYBODY has won, and all must have prizes.
But who is to give
the prizes? quite a chorus of voices asked.
Why, SHE, of course,
said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with one finger; and the whole party at once
crowded round her, calling out in a confused way, Prizes! Prizes!
Alice had no idea what
to do, and in despair she put her hand in her pocket, and pulled out a box of
comfits, (luckily the salt water had not got into it), and handed them round
as prizes. There was exactly one a-piece all round.
But she must have
a prize herself, you know, said the Mouse.
Of course,
the Dodo replied very gravely. What else have you got in your pocket?
he went on, turning to Alice.
Only
a thimble, said Alice sadly.
Hand it over here,
said the Dodo.
Then they all crowded round
her once more, while the Dodo solemnly presented the thimble, saying We
beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble; and, when it had finished
this short speech, they all cheered.
Alice thought the whole
thing very absurd, but they all looked so grave that she did not dare to laugh;
and, as she could not think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the
thimble, looking as solemn as she could.
The next thing was to eat
the comfits: this caused some noise and confusion, as the large birds complained
that they could not taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted
on the back. However, it was over at last, and they sat down again in a ring,
and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.
You promised to tell
me your history, you know, said Alice, and why it is you hateC
and D, she added in a whisper, half afraid that it would be offended again.
Mine is a long and
a sad tale! said the Mouse, turning to Alice, and sighing.
It IS a long tail,
certainly, said Alice, looking down with wonder at the Mouses tail;
but why do you call it sad? And she kept on puzzling about it while
the Mouse was speaking, so that her idea of the tale was something like this:
Fury said to a
mouse, That he
met in the
house,
Let us
both go to
law: I will
prosecute
YOU.Come,
Ill take no
denial; We
must have a
trial: For
really this
morning Ive
nothing
to do.
Said the
mouse to the
cur, Such
a trial,
dear Sir,
With
no jury
or judge,
would be
wasting
our
breath.
Ill be
judge, Ill
be jury,
Said
cunning
old Fury:
Ill
try the
whole
cause,
and
condemn
you
to
death.
You are not attending!
said the Mouse to Alice severely. What are you thinking of?
I beg your pardon,
said Alice very humbly: you had got to the fifth bend, I think?
I had NOT!
cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.
A knot! said
Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and looking anxiously about her.
Oh, do let me help to undo it!
I shall do nothing
of the sort, said the Mouse, getting up and walking away. You insult
me by talking such nonsense!
I didnt mean
it! pleaded poor Alice. But youre so easily offended, you
know!
The Mouse only growled
in reply.
Please come back
and finish your story! Alice called after it; and the others all joined
in chorus, Yes, please do! but the Mouse only shook its head impatiently,
and walked a little quicker.
What a pity it wouldnt
stay! sighed the Lory, as soon as it was quite out of sight; and an old
Crab took the opportunity of saying to her daughter Ah, my dear! Let this
be a lesson to you never to lose YOUR temper! Hold your tongue,
Ma! said the young Crab, a little snappishly. Youre enough
to try the patience of an oyster!
I wish I had our
Dinah here, I know I do! said Alice aloud, addressing nobody in particular.
Shed soon fetch it back!
And who is Dinah,
if I might venture to ask the question? said the Lory.
Alice replied eagerly,
for she was always ready to talk about her pet: Dinahs our cat.
And shes such a capital one for catching mice you cant think! And
oh, I wish you could see her after the birds! Why, shell eat a little
bird as soon as look at it!
This speech caused a remarkable
sensation among the party. Some of the birds hurried off at once: one old Magpie
began wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, I really must be getting
home; the night-air doesnt suit my throat! and a Canary called out
in a trembling voice to its children, Come away, my dears! Its high
time you were all in bed! On various pretexts they all moved off, and
Alice was soon left alone.
I wish I hadnt
mentioned Dinah! she said to herself in a melancholy tone. Nobody
seems to like her, down here, and Im sure shes the best cat in the
world! Oh, my dear Dinah! I wonder if I shall ever see you any more! And
here poor Alice began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.
In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of footsteps
in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping that the Mouse had changed
his mind, and was coming back to finish his story.
CHAPTER IV. The Rabbit Sends in
a Little Bill
It was the White
Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and looking anxiously about as it went,
as if it had lost something; and she heard it muttering to itself The
Duchess! The Duchess! Oh my dear paws! Oh my fur and whiskers! Shell get
me executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets! Where CAN I have dropped them,
I wonder? Alice guessed in a moment that it was looking for the fan and
the pair of white kid gloves, and she very good-naturedly began hunting about
for them, but they were nowhere to be seeneverything seemed to have changed
since her swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and the
little door, had vanished completely.
Very soon the Rabbit noticed
Alice, as she went hunting about, and called out to her in an angry tone, Why,
Mary Ann, what ARE you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me a
pair of gloves and a fan! Quick, now! And Alice was so much frightened
that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without trying to explain
the mistake it had made.
He took me for his
housemaid, she said to herself as she ran. How surprised hell
be when he finds out who I am! But Id better take him his fan and glovesthat
is, if I can find them. As she said this, she came upon a neat little
house, on the door of which was a bright brass plate with the name W.
RABBIT engraved upon it. She went in without knocking, and hurried upstairs,
in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann, and be turned out of the
house before she had found the fan and gloves.
How queer it seems,
Alice said to herself, to be going messages for a rabbit! I suppose Dinahll
be sending me on messages next! And she began fancying the sort of thing
that would happen: Miss Alice! Come here directly, and get ready for
your walk! Coming in a minute, nurse! But Ive got to see that the mouse
doesnt get out. Only I dont think, Alice went on, that
theyd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering people about like
that!
By this time she had found
her way into a tidy little room with a table in the window, and on it (as she
had hoped) a fan and two or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves: she took up
the fan and a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when
her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-glass. There was
no label this time with the words DRINK ME, but nevertheless she
uncorked it and put it to her lips. I know SOMETHING interesting is sure
to happen, she said to herself, whenever I eat or drink anything;
so Ill just see what this bottle does. I do hope itll make me grow
large again, for really Im quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!
It did so indeed, and much
sooner than she had expected: before she had drunk half the bottle, she found
her head pressing against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from
being broken. She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself Thats
quite enoughI hope I shant grow any moreAs it is, I cant
get out at the doorI do wish I hadnt drunk quite so much!
Alas!
it was too late to wish that! She went on growing, and growing, and very soon
had to kneel down on the floor: in another minute there was not even room for
this, and she tried the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door,
and the other arm curled round her head. Still she went on growing, and, as
a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one foot up the chimney,
and said to herself Now I can do no more, whatever happens. What WILL
become of me?
Luckily for Alice, the
little magic bottle had now had its full effect, and she grew no larger: still
it was very uncomfortable, and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her
ever getting out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.
It was much pleasanter
at home, thought poor Alice, when one wasnt always growing
larger and smaller, and being ordered about by mice and rabbits. I almost wish
I hadnt gone down that rabbit-holeand yetand yetits
rather curious, you know, this sort of life! I do wonder what CAN have happened
to me! When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing never happened,
and now here I am in the middle of one! There ought to be a book written about
me, that there ought! And when I grow up, Ill write onebut Im
grown up now, she added in a sorrowful tone; at least theres
no room to grow up any more HERE.
But then, thought
Alice, shall I NEVER get any older than I am now? Thatll be a comfort,
one waynever to be an old womanbut thenalways to have lessons
to learn! Oh, I shouldnt like THAT!
Oh, you foolish Alice!
she answered herself. How can you learn lessons in here? Why, theres
hardly room for YOU, and no room at all for any lesson-books!
And so she went on, taking
first one side and then the other, and making quite a conversation of it altogether;
but after a few minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.
Mary Ann! Mary Ann!
said the voice. Fetch me my gloves this moment! Then came a little
pattering of feet on the stairs. Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look
for her, and she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she
was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no reason to
be afraid of it.
Presently the Rabbit came
up to the door, and tried to open it; but, as the door opened inwards, and Alices
elbow was pressed hard against it, that attempt proved a failure. Alice heard
it say to itself, Then Ill go round and get in at the window.
THAT
you wont thought Alice, and, after waiting till she fancied she
heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly spread out her hand, and
made a snatch in the air. She did not get hold of anything, but she heard a
little shriek and a fall, and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded
that it was just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something
of the sort.
Next came an angry voicethe
RabbitsPat! Pat! Where are you? And then a voice she
had never heard before, Sure then Im here! Digging for apples, yer
honour!
Digging for apples,
indeed! said the Rabbit angrily. Here! Come and help me out of THIS!
(Sounds of more broken glass.)
Now tell me, Pat,
whats that in the window?
Sure, its an
arm, yer honour! (He pronounced it arrum.)
An arm, you goose!
Who ever saw one that size? Why, it fills the whole window!
Sure, it does, yer
honour: but its an arm for all that.
Well, its got
no business there, at any rate: go and take it away!
There was a long silence
after this, and Alice could only hear whispers now and then; such as, Sure,
I dont like it, yer honour, at all, at all! Do as I tell you,
you coward! and at last she spread out her hand again, and made another
snatch in the air. This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more sounds
of broken glass. What a number of cucumber-frames there must be!
thought Alice. I wonder what theyll do next! As for pulling me out
of the window, I only wish they COULD! Im sure I dont want to stay
in here any longer!
She waited for some time
without hearing anything more: at last came a rumbling of little cartwheels,
and the sound of a good many voices all talking together: she made out the words:
Wheres the other ladder?Why, I hadnt to bring but one;
Bills got the otherBill! fetch it here, lad!Here, put em
up at this cornerNo, tie em together firstthey dont
reach half high enough yetOh! theyll do well enough; dont
be particularHere, Bill! catch hold of this ropeWill the roof
bear?Mind that loose slateOh, its coming down! Heads below!
(a loud crash)Now, who did that?It was Bill, I fancyWhos
to go down the chimney?Nay, I shant! YOU do it!That I wont,
then!Bills to go downHere, Bill! the master says youre
to go down the chimney!
Oh! So Bills
got to come down the chimney, has he? said Alice to herself. Shy,
they seem to put everything upon Bill! I wouldnt be in Bills place
for a good deal: this fireplace is narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick
a little!
She drew her foot as far
down the chimney as she could, and waited till she heard a little animal (she
couldnt guess of what sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in
the chimney close above her: then, saying to herself This is Bill,
she gave one sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.
The first thing she heard
was a general chorus of There goes Bill! then the Rabbits
voice alongCatch him, you by the hedge! then silence, and
then another confusion of voicesHold up his headBrandy nowDont
choke himHow was it, old fellow? What happened to you? Tell us all about
it!
Last came a little feeble,
squeaking voice, (Thats Bill, thought Alice,) Well,
I hardly knowNo more, thank ye; Im better nowbut Im
a deal too flustered to tell youall I know is, something comes at me
like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes like a sky-rocket!
So you did, old fellow!
said the others.
We must burn the
house down! said the Rabbits voice; and Alice called out as loud
as she could, If you do. Ill set Dinah at you!
There was a dead silence
instantly, and Alice thought to herself, I wonder what they WILL do next!
If they had any sense, theyd take the roof off. After a minute or
two, they began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, A
barrowful will do, to begin with.
A barrowful of WHAT?
thought Alice; but she had not long to doubt, for the next moment a shower of
little pebbles came rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the
face. Ill put a stop to this, she said to herself, and shouted
out, Youd better not do that again! which produced another
dead silence.
Alice noticed with some
surprise that the pebbles were all turning into little cakes as they lay on
the floor, and a bright idea came into her head. If I eat one of these
cakes, she thought, its sure to make SOME change in my size;
and as it cant possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I suppose.
So she swallowed one of
the cakes, and was delighted to find that she began shrinking directly. As soon
as she was small enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and
found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside. The poor little
Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by two guinea-pigs, who were
giving it something out of a bottle. They all made a rush at Alice the moment
she appeared; but she ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe
in a thick wood.
The first thing Ive
got to do, said Alice to herself, as she wandered about in the wood, is
to grow to my right size again; and the second thing is to find my way into
that lovely garden. I think that will be the best plan.
It sounded an excellent
plan, no doubt, and very neatly and simply arranged; the only difficulty was,
that she had not the smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering
about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over her head made
her look up in a great hurry.
An enormous puppy was looking
down at her with large round eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying
to touch her. Poor little thing! said Alice, in a coaxing tone,
and she tried hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the
time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it would be very
likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.
Hardly
knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of stick, and held it out to
the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped into the air off all its feet at once,
with a yelp of delight, and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it;
then Alice dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run over;
and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy made another rush at
the stick, and tumbled head over heels in its hurry to get hold of it; then
Alice, thinking it was very like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and
expecting every moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle
again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the stick, running
a very little way forwards each time and a long way back, and barking hoarsely
all the while, till at last it sat down a good way off, panting, with its tongue
hanging out of its mouth, and its great eyes half shut.
This seemed to Alice a
good opportunity for making her escape; so she set off at once, and ran till
she was quite tired and out of breath, and till the puppys bark sounded
quite faint in the distance.
And yet what a dear
little puppy it was! said Alice, as she leant against a buttercup to rest
herself, and fanned herself with one of the leaves: I should have liked
teaching it tricks very much, ifif Id only been the right size
to do it! Oh dear! Id nearly forgotten that Ive got to grow up again!
Let me seehow IS it to be managed? I suppose I ought to eat or drink
something or other; but the great question is, what?
The great question certainly
was, what? Alice looked all round her at the flowers and the blades of grass,
but she did not see anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink
under the circumstances. There was a large mushroom growing near her, about
the same height as herself; and when she had looked under it, and on both sides
of it, and behind it, it occurred to her that she might as well look and see
what was on the top of it.
She stretched herself up
on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of the mushroom, and her eyes immediately
met those of a large caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms
folded, quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice of
her or of anything else.
CHAPTER V. Advice from a Caterpillar
The Caterpillar and
Alice looked at each other for some time in silence: at last the Caterpillar
took the hookah out of its mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.
Who are YOU?
said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging
opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, II hardly
know, sir, just at presentat least I know who I WAS when I got up this
morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.
What do you mean
by that? said the Caterpillar sternly. Explain yourself!
I cant explain
MYSELF, Im afraid, sir said Alice, because Im not myself,
you see.
I dont see,
said the Caterpillar.
Im afraid I
cant put it more clearly, Alice replied very politely, for
I cant understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different
sizes in a day is very confusing.
It isnt,
said the Caterpillar.
Well, perhaps you
havent found it so yet, said Alice; but when you have to turn
into a chrysalisyou will some day, you knowand then after that into
a butterfly, I should think youll feel it a little queer, wont you?
Not a bit,
said the Caterpillar.
Well, perhaps your
feelings may be different, said Alice; all I know is, it would feel
very queer to ME.
You! said the
Caterpillar contemptuously. Who are YOU?
Which brought them back
again to the beginning of the conversation. Alice felt a little irritated at
the Caterpillars making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself
up and said, very gravely, I think, you ought to tell me who YOU are,
first.
Why? said the
Caterpillar.
Here was another puzzling
question; and as Alice could not think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar
seemed to be in a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.
Come back!
the Caterpillar called after her. Ive something important to say!
This sounded promising,
certainly: Alice turned and came back again.
Keep your temper,
said the Caterpillar.
Is that all?
said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as she could.
No, said the
Caterpillar.
Alice thought she might
as well wait, as she had nothing else to do, and perhaps after all it might
tell her something worth hearing. For some minutes it puffed away without speaking,
but at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth again, and
said, So you think youre changed, do you?
Im afraid I
am, sir, said Alice; I cant remember things as I usedand
I dont keep the same size for ten minutes together!
Cant remember
WHAT things? said the Caterpillar.
Well, Ive tried
to say HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE, but it all came different! Alice
replied in a very melancholy voice.
Repeat, YOU ARE
OLD, FATHER WILLIAM, said the Caterpillar.
Alice folded her hands,
and began:
You are old,
Father William, the young man said,
And your hair has become very white;
And yet you incessantly stand on your head
Do you think, at your age, it is right?
In my youth, Father William replied to his son,
I feared it might injure the brain;
But, now that Im perfectly sure I have none,
Why, I do it again and again.
You are old, said the youth, as I mentioned before,
And have grown most uncommonly fat;
Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door
Pray, what is the reason of that?
In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,
I kept all my limbs very supple
By the use of this ointmentone shilling the box
Allow me to sell you a couple?
You are old, said the youth, and your jaws are too weak
For anything tougher than suet;
Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak
Pray how did you manage to do it?
In my youth, said his father, I took to the law,
And argued each case with my wife;
And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,
Has lasted the rest of my life.
You are old, said the youth, one would hardly suppose
That your eye was as steady as ever;
Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose
What made you so awfully clever?
I have answered three questions, and that is enough,
Said his father; dont give yourself airs!
Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?
Be off, or Ill kick you down stairs!
That is not said
right, said the Caterpillar.
Not QUITE right,
Im afraid, said Alice, timidly; some of the words have got
altered.
It is wrong from
beginning to end, said the Caterpillar decidedly, and there was silence
for some minutes.
The Caterpillar was the
first to speak.
What size do you
want to be? it asked.
Oh, Im not
particular as to size, Alice hastily replied; only
one doesnt like changing so often, you know.
I DONT know,
said the Caterpillar.
Alice said nothing: she
had never been so much contradicted in her life before, and she felt
that she was losing her temper.
Are you content now?
said the Caterpillar.
Well, I should like
to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you wouldnt mind, said Alice: three
inches is such a wretched height to be.
It is a very good
height indeed! said the Caterpillar angrily, rearing itself upright as
it spoke (it was exactly three inches high).
But Im not
used to it! pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone. And she thought of herself,
I wish the creatures wouldnt be so easily offended!
Youll get used
to it in time, said the Caterpillar; and it put the hookah into its mouth
and began smoking again.
This time Alice waited
patiently until it chose to speak again. In a minute or two the Caterpillar
took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself.
Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking
as it went, One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will
make you grow shorter.
One side of WHAT?
The other side of WHAT? thought Alice to herself.
Of the mushroom,
said the Caterpillar, just as if she had asked it aloud; and in another moment
it was out of sight.
Alice remained looking
thoughtfully at the mushroom for a minute, trying to make out which were the
two sides of it; and as it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult
question. However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they would
go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.
And now which is
which? she said to herself, and nibbled a little of the right-hand bit
to try the effect: the next moment she felt a violent blow underneath her chin:
it had struck her foot!
She was a good deal frightened
by this very sudden change, but she felt that there was no time to be lost,
as she was shrinking rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the
other bit. Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was
hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and managed to swallow
a morsel of the lefthand bit.
* * * * * * *
Come, my heads
free at last! said Alice in a tone of delight, which changed into alarm
in another moment, when she found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found:
all she could see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which
seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay far below
her.
What CAN all that
green stuff be? said Alice. And where HAVE my shoulders got to?
And oh, my poor hands, how is it I cant see you? She was moving
them about as she spoke, but no result seemed to follow, except a little shaking
among the distant green leaves.
As there seemed to be no
chance of getting her hands up to her head, she tried to get her head down to
them, and was delighted to find that her neck would bend about easily in any
direction, like a serpent. She had just succeeded in curving it down into a
graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which she found
to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she had been wandering,
when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a hurry: a large pigeon had flown into
her face, and was beating her violently with its wings.
Serpent! screamed
the Pigeon.
Im NOT a serpent!
said Alice indignantly. Let me alone!
Serpent, I say again!
repeated the Pigeon, but in a more subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob,
Ive tried every way, and nothing seems to suit them!
I havent the
least idea what youre talking about, said Alice.
Ive tried the
roots of trees, and Ive tried banks, and Ive tried hedges,
the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; but those serpents! Theres
no pleasing them!
Alice was more and more
puzzled, but she thought there was no use in saying anything more till the Pigeon
had finished.
As if it wasnt
trouble enough hatching the eggs, said the Pigeon; but I must be
on the look-out for serpents night and day! Why, I havent had a wink of
sleep these three weeks!
Im very sorry
youve been annoyed, said Alice, who was beginning to see its meaning.
And just as Id
taken the highest tree in the wood, continued the Pigeon, raising its
voice to a shriek, and just as I was thinking I should be free of them
at last, they must needs come wriggling down from the sky! Ugh, Serpent!
But Im NOT
a serpent, I tell you! said Alice. Im aIm a
Well! WHAT are you?
said the Pigeon. I can see youre trying to invent something!
IIm a
little girl, said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she remembered the number
of changes she had gone through that day.
A likely story indeed!
said the Pigeon in a tone of the deepest contempt. Ive seen a good
many little girls in my time, but never ONE with such a neck as that! No, no!
Youre a serpent; and theres no use denying it. I suppose youll
be telling me next that you never tasted an egg!
I HAVE tasted eggs,
certainly, said Alice, who was a very truthful child; but little
girls eat eggs quite as much as serpents do, you know.
I dont believe
it, said the Pigeon; but if they do, why then theyre a kind
of serpent, thats all I can say.
This was such a new idea
to Alice, that she was quite silent for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon
the opportunity of adding, Youre looking for eggs, I know THAT well
enough; and what does it matter to me whether youre a little girl or a
serpent?
It matters a good
deal to ME, said Alice hastily; but Im not looking for eggs,
as it happens; and if I was, I shouldnt want YOURS: I dont like
them raw.
Well, be off, then!
said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it settled down again into its nest. Alice
crouched down among the trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting
entangled among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and untwist
it. After a while she remembered that she still held the pieces of mushroom
in her hands, and she set to work very carefully, nibbling first at one and
then at the other, and growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until
she had succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.
It was so long since she
had been anything near the right size, that it felt quite strange at first;
but she got used to it in a few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual.
Come, theres half my plan done now! How puzzling all these changes
are! Im never sure what Im going to be, from one minute to another!
However, Ive got back to my right size: the next thing is, to get into
that beautiful gardenhow IS that to be done, I wonder? As she said
this, she came suddenly upon an open place, with a little house in it about
four feet high. Whoever lives there, thought Alice, itll
never do to come upon them THIS size: why, I should frighten them out of their
wits! So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did not venture
to go near the house till she had brought herself down to nine inches high.
CHAPTER VI. Pig and Pepper
For a minute or two
she stood looking at the house, and wondering what to do next, when suddenly
a footman in livery came running out of the wood(she considered him to
be a footman because he was in livery: otherwise, judging by his face only,
she would have called him a fish)and rapped loudly at the door with his
knuckles. It was opened by another footman in livery, with a round face, and
large eyes like a frog; and both footmen, Alice noticed, had powdered hair that
curled all over their heads. She felt very curious to know what it was all about,
and crept a little way out of the wood to listen.
The
Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great letter, nearly as
large as himself, and this he handed over to the other, saying, in a solemn
tone, For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
The Frog-Footman repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order
of the words a little, From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to
play croquet.
Then they both bowed low,
and their curls got entangled together.
Alice laughed so much at
this, that she had to run back into the wood for fear of their hearing her;
and when she next peeped out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting
on the ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.
Alice went timidly up to
the door, and knocked.
Theres no sort
of use in knocking, said the Footman, and that for two reasons.
First, because Im on the same side of the door as you are; secondly, because
theyre making such a noise inside, no one could possibly hear you.
And certainly there was a most extraordinary noise going on withina constant
howling and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish or
kettle had been broken to pieces.
Please, then,
said Alice, how am I to get in?
There might be some
sense in your knocking, the Footman went on without attending to her,
if we had the door between us. For instance, if you were INSIDE, you might
knock, and I could let you out, you know. He was looking up into the sky
all the time he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil. But
perhaps he cant help it, she said to herself; his eyes are
so VERY nearly at the top of his head. But at any rate he might answer questions.How
am I to get in? she repeated, aloud.
I shall sit here,
the Footman remarked, till tomorrow
At this moment the door
of the house opened, and a large plate came skimming out, straight at the Footmans
head: it just grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees
behind him.
or next day,
maybe, the Footman continued in the same tone, exactly as if nothing had
happened.
How am I to get in?
asked Alice again, in a louder tone.
ARE you to get in
at all? said the Footman. Thats the first question, you know.
It was, no doubt: only
Alice did not like to be told so. Its really dreadful, she
muttered to herself, the way all the creatures argue. Its enough
to drive one crazy!
The Footman seemed to think
this a good opportunity for repeating his remark, with variations. I shall
sit here, he said, on and off, for days and days.
But what am I to
do? said Alice.
Anything you like,
said the Footman, and began whistling.
Oh, theres
no use in talking to him, said Alice desperately: hes perfectly
idiotic! And she opened the door and went in.
The door led right into
a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess
was sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook
was leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full
of soup.
Theres certainly
too much pepper in that soup! Alice said to herself, as well as she could
for sneezing.
There was certainly too
much of it in the air. Even the Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the
baby, it was sneezing and howling alternately without a moments pause.
The only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook, and a large
cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.
Please would you
tell me, said Alice, a little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether
it was good manners for her to speak first, why your cat grins like that?
Its a Cheshire
cat, said the Duchess, and thats why. Pig!
She said the last word
with such sudden violence that Alice quite jumped; but she saw in another moment
that it was addressed to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and
went on again:
I didnt know
that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I didnt know that cats COULD
grin.
They all can,
said the Duchess; and most of em do.
I dont know
of any that do, Alice said very politely, feeling quite pleased to have
got into a conversation.
You dont know
much, said the Duchess; and thats a fact.
Alice did not at all like
the tone of this remark, and thought it would be as well to introduce some other
subject of conversation. While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took the
cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work throwing everything within
her reach at the Duchess and the babythe fire-irons came first; then followed
a shower of saucepans, plates, and dishes. The Duchess took no notice of them
even when they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it was
quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.
Oh, PLEASE mind what
youre doing! cried Alice, jumping up and down in an agony of terror.
Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS nose; as an unusually large saucepan
flew close by it, and very nearly carried it off.
If everybody minded
their own business, the Duchess said in a hoarse growl, the world
would go round a deal faster than it does.
Which would NOT be
an advantage, said Alice, who felt very glad to get an opportunity of
showing off a little of her knowledge. Just think of what work it would
make with the day and night! You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn
round on its axis
Talking of axes,
said the Duchess, chop off her head!
Alice glanced rather anxiously
at the cook, to see if she meant to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring
the soup, and seemed not to be listening, so she went on again: Twenty-four
hours, I THINK; or is it twelve? I
Oh, dont bother
ME, said the Duchess; I never could abide figures! And with
that she began nursing her child again, singing a sort of lullaby to it as she
did so, and giving it a violent shake at the end of every line:
Speak roughly to your little boy,
And beat him when he sneezes:
He only does it to annoy,
Because he knows it teases.
CHORUS.
(In which the cook and the baby joined): Wow! wow! wow!
While the Duchess sang
the second verse of the song, she kept tossing the baby violently up and down,
and the poor little thing howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:
I speak severely to my boy,
I beat him when he sneezes;
For he can thoroughly enjoy
The pepper when he pleases!
CHORUS. Wow! wow! wow!
Here! you may nurse
it a bit, if you like! the Duchess said to Alice, flinging the baby at
her as she spoke. I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen,
and she hurried out of the room. The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she
went out, but it just missed her.
Alice caught the baby with
some difficulty, as it was a queer-shaped little creature, and held out its
arms and legs in all directions, just like a star-fish, thought
Alice. The poor little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught
it, and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, so that
altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much as she could do to hold
it.
As soon as she had made
out the proper way of nursing it, (which was to twist it up into a sort of knot,
and then keep tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its
undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air. IF I dont
take this child away with me, thought Alice, theyre sure to
kill it in a day or two: wouldnt it be murder to leave it behind?
She said the last words out loud, and the little thing grunted in reply (it
had left off sneezing by this time). Dont grunt, said Alice;
thats not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.
The baby grunted again,
and Alice looked very anxiously into its face to see what was the matter with
it. There could be no doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like
a snout than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for a baby:
altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at all. But perhaps
it was only sobbing, she thought, and looked into its eyes again, to see
if there were any tears.
No, there were no tears.
If youre going to turn into a pig, my dear, said Alice, seriously,
Ill have nothing more to do with you. Mind now! The poor little
thing sobbed again (or grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went
on for some while in silence.
Alice
was just beginning to think to herself, Now, what am I to do with this
creature when I get it home? when it grunted again, so violently, that
she looked down into its face in some alarm. This time there could be NO mistake
about it: it was neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would
be quite absurd for her to carry it further.
So she set the little creature
down, and felt quite relieved to see it trot away quietly into the wood. If
it had grown up, she said to herself, it would have made a dreadfully
ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think. And she began
thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as pigs, and was
just saying to herself, if one only knew the right way to change them
when she was a little startled by seeing the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough
of a tree a few yards off.
The Cat only grinned when
it saw Alice. It looked good-natured, she thought: still it had VERY long claws
and a great many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.
Cheshire Puss,
she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like
the name: however, it only grinned a little wider. Come, its pleased
so far, thought Alice, and she went on. Would you tell me, please,
which way I ought to go from here?
That depends a good
deal on where you want to get to, said the Cat.
I dont much
care where said Alice.
Then it doesnt
matter which way you go, said the Cat.
so long as
I get SOMEWHERE, Alice added as an explanation.
Oh, youre sure
to do that, said the Cat, if you only walk long enough.
Alice felt that this could
not be denied, so she tried another question. What sort of people live
about here?
In THAT direction,
the Cat said, waving its right paw round, lives a Hatter: and in THAT
direction, waving the other paw, lives a March Hare. Visit either
you like: theyre both mad.
But I dont
want to go among mad people, Alice remarked.
Oh, you cant
help that, said the Cat: were all mad here. Im mad.
Youre mad.
How do you know Im
mad? said Alice.
You must be,
said the Cat, or you wouldnt have come here.
Alice didnt think
that proved it at all; however, she went on And how do you know that youre
mad?
To begin with,
said the Cat, a dogs not mad. You grant that?
I suppose so,
said Alice.
Well, then,
the Cat went on, you see, a dog growls when its angry, and wags
its tail when its pleased. Now I growl when Im pleased, and wag
my tail when Im angry. Therefore Im mad.
I call it purring,
not growling, said Alice.
Call it what you
like, said the Cat. Do you play croquet with the Queen to-day?
I should like it
very much, said Alice, but I havent been invited yet.
Youll see me
there, said the Cat, and vanished.
Alice was not much surprised
at this, she was getting so used to queer things happening. While she was looking
at the place where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.
By-the-bye, what
became of the baby? said the Cat. Id nearly forgotten to ask.
It turned into a
pig, Alice quietly said, just as if it had come back in a natural way.
I thought it would,
said the Cat, and vanished again.
Alice waited a little,
half expecting to see it again, but it did not appear, and after a minute or
two she walked on in the direction in which the March Hare was said to live.
Ive seen hatters before, she said to herself; the March
Hare will be much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it wont
be raving madat least not so mad as it was in March. As she said
this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a branch of a tree.
Did you say pig,
or fig? said the Cat.
I said pig,
replied Alice; and I wish you wouldnt keep appearing and vanishing
so suddenly: you make one quite giddy.
All right,
said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite slowly, beginning with the end
of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remained some time after the rest
of it had gone.
Well! Ive often
seen a cat without a grin, thought Alice; but a grin without a cat!
Its the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!
She had not gone much farther
before she came in sight of the house of the March Hare: she thought it must
be the right house, because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof
was thatched with fur. It was so large a house, that she did not like to go
nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand bit of mushroom, and raised
herself to about two feet high: even then she walked up towards it rather timidly,
saying to herself Suppose it should be raving mad after all! I almost
wish Id gone to see the Hatter instead!
CHAPTER VII. A Mad Tea-Party
There was a table
set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter
were having tea at it: a Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and
the other two were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and talking
over its head. Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse, thought Alice;
only, as its asleep, I suppose it doesnt mind.
The table was a large one,
but the three were all crowded together at one corner of it: No room!
No room! they cried out when they saw Alice coming. Theres
PLENTY of room! said Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair
at one end of the table.
Have some wine,
the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.
Alice looked all round
the table, but there was nothing on it but tea. I dont see any wine,
she remarked.
There isnt
any, said the March Hare.
Then it wasnt
very civil of you to offer it, said Alice angrily.
It wasnt very
civil of you to sit down without being invited, said the March Hare.
I
didnt know it was YOUR table, said Alice; its laid for
a great many more than three.
Your hair wants cutting,
said the Hatter. He had been looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity,
and this was his first speech.
You should learn
not to make personal remarks, Alice said with some severity; its
very rude.
The Hatter opened his eyes
very wide on hearing this; but all he SAID was, Why is a raven like a
writing-desk?
Come, we shall have
some fun now! thought Alice. Im glad theyve begun asking
riddles.I believe I can guess that, she added aloud.
Do you mean that
you think you can find out the answer to it? said the March Hare.
Exactly so,
said Alice.
Then you should say
what you mean, the March Hare went on.
I do, Alice
hastily replied; at leastat least I mean what I saythats
the same thing, you know.
Not
the same thing a bit! said the Hatter. You might just as well say
that I see what I eat is the same thing as I eat what I see"!
You might just as
well say, added the March Hare, that I like what I get is the
same thing as I get what I like!
You might just as
well say, added the Dormouse, who seemed to be talking in his sleep, that
I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe!
It IS the same thing
with you, said the Hatter, and here the conversation dropped, and the
party sat silent for a minute, while Alice thought over all she could remember
about ravens and writing-desks, which wasnt much.
The Hatter was the first
to break the silence. What day of the month is it? he said, turning
to Alice: he had taken his watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily,
shaking it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.
Alice considered a little,
and then said The fourth.
Two days wrong!
sighed the Hatter. I told you butter wouldnt suit the works!
he added looking angrily at the March Hare.
It was the BEST butter,
the March Hare meekly replied.
Yes, but some crumbs
must have got in as well, the Hatter grumbled: you shouldnt
have put it in with the bread-knife.
The March Hare took the
watch and looked at it gloomily: then he dipped it into his cup of tea, and
looked at it again: but he could think of nothing better to say than his first
remark, It was the BEST butter, you know.
Alice had been looking
over his shoulder with some curiosity. What a funny watch! she remarked.
It tells the day of the month, and doesnt tell what oclock
it is!
Why should it?
muttered the Hatter. Does YOUR watch tell you what year it is?
Of course not,
Alice replied very readily: but thats because it stays the same
year for such a long time together.
Which is just the
case with MINE, said the Hatter.
Alice felt dreadfully puzzled.
The Hatters remark seemed to have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it
was certainly English. I dont quite understand you, she said,
as politely as she could.
The Dormouse is asleep
again, said the Hatter, and he poured a little hot tea upon its nose.
The Dormouse shook its
head impatiently, and said, without opening its eyes, Of course, of course;
just what I was going to remark myself.
Have you guessed
the riddle yet? the Hatter said, turning to Alice again.
No, I give it up,
Alice replied: whats the answer?
I havent the
slightest idea, said the Hatter.
Nor I, said
the March Hare.
Alice sighed wearily. I
think you might do something better with the time, she said, than
waste it in asking riddles that have no answers.
If you knew Time
as well as I do, said the Hatter, you wouldnt talk about wasting
IT. Its HIM.
I dont know
what you mean, said Alice.
Of course you dont!
the Hatter said, tossing his head contemptuously. I dare say you never
even spoke to Time!
Perhaps not,
Alice cautiously replied: but I know I have to beat time when I learn
music.
Ah! that accounts
for it, said the Hatter. He wont stand beating. Now, if you
only kept on good terms with him, hed do almost anything you liked with
the clock. For instance, suppose it were nine oclock in the morning, just
time to begin lessons: youd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round
goes the clock in a twinkling! Half-past one, time for dinner!
(I only wish it was,
the March Hare said to itself in a whisper.)
That would be grand,
certainly, said Alice thoughtfully: but thenI shouldnt
be hungry for it, you know.
Not at first, perhaps,
said the Hatter: but you could keep it to half-past one as long as you
liked.
Is that the way YOU
manage? Alice asked.
The Hatter shook his head
mournfully. Not I! he replied. We quarrelled last Marchjust
before HE went mad, you know (pointing with his tea spoon at the
March Hare,) it was at the great concert given by the Queen of Hearts,
and I had to sing
Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!
How I wonder what youre at!
You know the song, perhaps?
Ive heard something
like it, said Alice.
It goes on, you know,
the Hatter continued, in this way:
Up above the world you fly,
Like a tea-tray in the sky.
Twinkle, twinkle
Here the Dormouse shook
itself, and began singing in its sleep Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle
and went on so long that they had to pinch it to make it stop.
Well, Id hardly
finished the first verse, said the Hatter, when the Queen jumped
up and bawled out, Hes murdering the time! Off with his head!
How dreadfully savage!
exclaimed Alice.
And ever since that,
the Hatter went on in a mournful tone, he wont do a thing I ask!
Its always six oclock now.
A bright idea came into
Alices head. Is that the reason so many tea-things are put out here?
she asked.
Yes, thats
it, said the Hatter with a sigh: its always tea-time, and
weve no time to wash the things between whiles.
Then you keep moving
round, I suppose? said Alice.
Exactly so,
said the Hatter: as the things get used up.
But what happens
when you come to the beginning again? Alice ventured to ask.
Suppose we change
the subject, the March Hare interrupted, yawning. Im getting
tired of this. I vote the young lady tells us a story.
Im afraid I
dont know one, said Alice, rather alarmed at the proposal.
Then the Dormouse
shall! they both cried. Wake up, Dormouse! And they pinched
it on both sides at once.
The Dormouse slowly opened
his eyes. I wasnt asleep, he said in a hoarse, feeble voice:
I heard every word you fellows were saying.
Tell us a story!
said the March Hare.
Yes, please do!
pleaded Alice.
And be quick about
it, added the Hatter, or youll be asleep again before its
done.
Once upon a time
there were three little sisters, the Dormouse began in a great hurry;
and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom
of a well
What did they live
on? said Alice, who always took a great interest in questions of eating
and drinking.
They lived on treacle,
said the Dormouse, after thinking a minute or two.
They couldnt
have done that, you know, Alice gently remarked; theyd have
been ill.
So they were,
said the Dormouse; VERY ill.
Alice tried to fancy to
herself what such an extraordinary ways of living would be like, but it puzzled
her too much, so she went on: But why did they live at the bottom of a
well?
Take some more tea,
the March Hare said to Alice, very earnestly.
Ive had nothing
yet, Alice replied in an offended tone, so I cant take more.
You mean you cant
take LESS, said the Hatter: its very easy to take MORE than
nothing.
Nobody asked YOUR
opinion, said Alice.
Whos making
personal remarks now? the Hatter asked triumphantly.
Alice did not quite know
what to say to this: so she helped herself to some tea and bread-and-butter,
and then turned to the Dormouse, and repeated her question. Why did they
live at the bottom of a well?
The Dormouse again took
a minute or two to think about it, and then said, It was a treacle-well.
Theres no such
thing! Alice was beginning very angrily, but the Hatter and the March
Hare went Sh! sh! and the Dormouse sulkily remarked, If you
cant be civil, youd better finish the story for yourself.
No, please go on!
Alice said very humbly; I wont interrupt again. I dare say there
may be ONE.
One, indeed!
said the Dormouse indignantly. However, he consented to go on. And so
these three little sistersthey were learning to draw, you know
What did they draw?
said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.
Treacle, said
the Dormouse, without considering at all this time.
I want a clean cup,
interrupted the Hatter: lets all move one place on.
He moved on as he spoke,
and the Dormouse followed him: the March Hare moved into the Dormouses
place, and Alice rather unwillingly took the place of the March Hare. The Hatter
was the only one who got any advantage from the change: and Alice was a good
deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset the milk-jug into
his plate.
Alice did not wish to offend
the Dormouse again, so she began very cautiously: But I dont understand.
Where did they draw the treacle from?
You can draw water
out of a water-well, said the Hatter; so I should think you could
draw treacle out of a treacle-welleh, stupid?
But they were IN
the well, Alice said to the Dormouse, not choosing to notice this last
remark.
Of course they were,
said the Dormouse; well in.
This answer so confused
poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse go on for some time without interrupting
it.
They were learning
to draw, the Dormouse went on, yawning and rubbing its eyes, for it was
getting very sleepy; and they drew all manner of thingseverything
that begins with an M
Why with an M?
said Alice.
Why not? said
the March Hare.
Alice was silent.
The Dormouse had closed
its eyes by this time, and was going off into a doze; but, on being pinched
by the Hatter, it woke up again with a little shriek, and went on: that
begins with an M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchnessyou
know you say things are much of a muchnessdid you ever see such a thing
as a drawing of a muchness?
Really, now you ask
me, said Alice, very much confused, I dont think
Then you shouldnt
talk, said the Hatter.
This
piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear: she got up in great disgust,
and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep instantly, and neither of the others
took the least notice of her going, though she looked back once or twice, half
hoping that they would call after her: the last time she saw them, they were
trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.
At any rate Ill
never go THERE again! said Alice as she picked her way through the wood.
Its the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!
Just as she said this,
she noticed that one of the trees had a door leading right into it. Thats
very curious! she thought. But everythings curious today.
I think I may as well go in at once. And in she went.
Once more she found herself
in the long hall, and close to the little glass table. Now, Ill
manage better this time, she said to herself, and began by taking the
little golden key, and unlocking the door that led into the garden. Then she
went to work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her pocket)
till she was about a foot high: then she walked down the little passage: and
THENshe found herself at last in the beautiful garden, among the bright
flower-beds and the cool fountains.
CHAPTER VIII. The Queens Croquet-Ground
A large rose-tree
stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were white, but
there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this
a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came
up to them she heard one of them say, Look out now, Five! Dont go
splashing paint over me like that!
I
couldnt help it, said Five, in a sulky tone; Seven jogged
my elbow.
On which Seven looked up
and said, Thats right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!
YOUD better
not talk! said Five. I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved
to be beheaded!
What for? said
the one who had spoken first.
Thats none
of YOUR business, Two! said Seven.
Yes, it IS his business!
said Five, and Ill tell himit was for bringing the cook tulip-roots
instead of onions.
Seven flung down his brush,
and had just begun Well, of all the unjust things when his
eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself
suddenly: the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.
Would you tell me,
said Alice, a little timidly, why you are painting those roses?
Five and Seven said nothing,
but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, Why the fact is, you see,
Miss, this here ought to have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in
by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads
cut off, you know. So you see, Miss, were doing our best, afore she comes,
to At this moment Five, who had been anxiously looking across the
garden, called out The Queen! The Queen! and the three gardeners
instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of many
footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.
First came ten soldiers
carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners, oblong and flat,
with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these were
ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did.
After these came the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little
dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented
with hearts. Next came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice
recognised the White Rabbit: it was talking in a hurried nervous manner, smiling
at everything that was said, and went by without noticing her. Then followed
the Knave of Hearts, carrying the Kings crown on a crimson velvet cushion;
and, last of all this grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.
Alice was rather doubtful
whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three gardeners, but
she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions; and
besides, what would be the use of a procession, thought she, if
people had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldnt see
it? So she stood still where she was, and waited.
When the procession came
opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the Queen said severely
Who is this? She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed
and smiled in reply.
Idiot! said
the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to Alice, she went on,
Whats your name, child?
My name is Alice,
so please your Majesty, said Alice very politely; but she added, to herself,
Why, theyre only a pack of cards, after all. I neednt be afraid
of them!
And who are THESE?
said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round the rosetree;
for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs
was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners,
or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.
How should I know?
said Alice, surprised at her own courage. Its no business of MINE.
The
Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like
a wild beast, screamed Off with her head! Off
Nonsense! said
Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.
The King laid his hand
upon her arm, and timidly said Consider, my dear: she is only a child!
The Queen turned angrily
away from him, and said to the Knave Turn them over!
The Knave did so, very
carefully, with one foot.
Get up! said
the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped
up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody
else.
Leave off that!
screamed the Queen. You make me giddy. And then, turning to the
rose-tree, she went on, What HAVE you been doing here?
May it please your
Majesty, said Two, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he
spoke, we were trying
I see! said
the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. Off with their
heads! and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind
to execute the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.
You shant be
beheaded! said Alice, and she put them into a large flower-pot that stood
near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them,
and then quietly marched off after the others.
Are their heads off?
shouted the Queen.
Their heads are gone,
if it please your Majesty! the soldiers shouted in reply.
Thats right!
shouted the Queen. Can you play croquet?
The soldiers were silent,
and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for her.
Yes! shouted
Alice.
Come on, then!
roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what
would happen next.
Itsits
a very fine day! said a timid voice at her side. She was walking by the
White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.
Very, said
Alice: wheres the Duchess?
Hush! Hush!
said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder
as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her
ear, and whispered Shes under sentence of execution.
What for? said
Alice.
Did you say What
a pity!? the Rabbit asked.
No, I didnt,
said Alice: I dont think its at all a pity. I said What for?
She boxed the Queens
ears the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. Oh,
hush! the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. The Queen will
hear you! You see, she came rather late, and the Queen said
Get to your places!
shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all
directions, tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled down in
a minute or two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a
curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls
were live hedgehogs, the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double
themselves up and to stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.
The
chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: she succeeded
in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its
legs hanging down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened
out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it WOULD twist
itself round and look up in her face, with such a puzzled expression that she
could not help bursting out laughing: and when she had got its head down, and
was going to begin again, it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had
unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides all this, there
was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the hedgehog
to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to
other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very
difficult game indeed.
The players all played
at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for
the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion,
and went stamping about, and shouting Off with his head! or Off
with her head! about once in a minute.
Alice began to feel very
uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she
knew that it might happen any minute, and then, thought she, what
would become of me? Theyre dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the
great wonder is, that theres any one left alive!
She was looking about for
some way of escape, and wondering whether she could get away without being seen,
when she noticed a curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at
first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin,
and she said to herself Its the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody
to talk to.
How are you getting
on? said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak with.
Alice waited till the eyes
appeared, and then nodded. Its no use speaking to it, she
thought, till its ears have come, or at least one of them. In another
minute the whole head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began
an account of the game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her.
The Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and no more
of it appeared.
I dont think
they play at all fairly, Alice began, in rather a complaining tone, and
they all quarrel so dreadfully one cant hear oneself speakand they
dont seem to have any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody
attends to themand youve no idea how confusing it is all the things
being alive; for instance, theres the arch Ive got to go through
next walking about at the other end of the groundand I should have croqueted
the Queens hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming!
How do you like the
Queen? said the Cat in a low voice.
Not at all,
said Alice: shes so extremely Just then she noticed
that the Queen was close behind her, listening: so she went on, likely
to win, that its hardly worth while finishing the game.
The Queen smiled and passed
on.
Who ARE you talking
to? said the King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cats head
with great curiosity.
Its a friend
of minea Cheshire Cat, said Alice: allow me to introduce it.
I dont like
the look of it at all, said the King: however, it may kiss my hand
if it likes.
Id rather not,
the Cat remarked.
Dont be impertinent,
said the King, and dont look at me like that! He got behind
Alice as he spoke.
A cat may look at
a king, said Alice. Ive read that in some book, but I dont
remember where.
Well, it must be
removed, said the King very decidedly, and he called the Queen, who was
passing at the moment, My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!
The Queen had only one
way of settling all difficulties, great or small. Off with his head!
she said, without even looking round.
Ill fetch the
executioner myself, said the King eagerly, and he hurried off.
Alice thought she might
as well go back, and see how the game was going on, as she heard the Queens
voice in the distance, screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence
three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and she did
not like the look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she
never knew whether it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.
The hedgehog was engaged
in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity
for croqueting one of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her
flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could
see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.
By the time she had caught
the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs
were out of sight: but it doesnt matter much, thought Alice,
as all the arches are gone from this side of the ground. So she
tucked it away under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back
for a little more conversation with her friend.
When
she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a large crowd
collected round it: there was a dispute going on between the executioner, the
King, and the Queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite
silent, and looked very uncomfortable.
The moment Alice appeared,
she was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and they repeated their
arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard
indeed to make out exactly what they said.
The executioners
argument was, that you couldnt cut off a head unless there was a body
to cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a thing before, and he
wasnt going to begin at HIS time of life.
The Kings argument
was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you werent
to talk nonsense.
The Queens argument
was, that if something wasnt done about it in less than no time shed
have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last remark that had made the
whole party look so grave and anxious.)
Alice could think of nothing
else to say but It belongs to the Duchess: youd better ask HER about
it.
Shes in prison, the Queen said to the executioner: fetch her here.
And the executioner went off like an arrow.
The Cats head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,
by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely
disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down
looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.
CHAPTER IX. The Mock Turtles Story
You cant
think how glad I am to see you again, you dear old thing! said the Duchess,
as she tucked her arm affectionately into Alices, and they walked off
together.
Alice was very glad to
find her in such a pleasant temper, and thought to herself that perhaps it was
only the pepper that had made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.
When IM a Duchess,
she said to herself, (not in a very hopeful tone though), I wont
have any pepper in my kitchen AT ALL. Soup does very well withoutMaybe
its always pepper that makes people hot-tempered, she went on, very
much pleased at having found out a new kind of rule, and vinegar that
makes them sourand camomile that makes them bitterandand barley-sugar
and such things that make children sweet-tempered. I only wish people knew that:
then they wouldnt be so stingy about it, you know
She
had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a little startled when
she heard her voice close to her ear. Youre thinking about something,
my dear, and that makes you forget to talk. I cant tell you just now what
the moral of that is, but I shall remember it in a bit.
Perhaps it hasnt
one, Alice ventured to remark.
Tut, tut, child!
said the Duchess. Everythings got a moral, if only you can find
it. And she squeezed herself up closer to Alices side as she spoke.
Alice did not much like
keeping so close to her: first, because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly,
because she was exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alices
shoulder, and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin. However, she did not like
to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.
The games going
on rather better now, she said, by way of keeping up the conversation
a little.
Tis so,
said the Duchess: and the moral of that isOh, tis love, tis
love, that makes the world go round!
Somebody said,
Alice whispered, that its done by everybody minding their own business!
Ah, well! It means
much the same thing, said the Duchess, digging her sharp little chin into
Alices shoulder as she added, and the moral of THAT is"Take
care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.
How fond she is of
finding morals in things! Alice thought to herself.
I dare say youre
wondering why I dont put my arm round your waist, the Duchess said
after a pause: the reason is, that Im doubtful about the temper
of your flamingo. Shall I try the experiment?
HE might bite,
Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all anxious to have the experiment
tried.
Very true,
said the Duchess: flamingoes and mustard both bite. And the moral of that
isBirds of a feather flock together.
Only mustard isnt
a bird, Alice remarked.
Right, as usual,
said the Duchess: what a clear way you have of putting things!
Its a mineral,
I THINK, said Alice.
Of course it is,
said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree to everything that Alice said; theres
a large mustard-mine near here. And the moral of that isThe more there
is of mine, the less there is of yours.
Oh, I know!
exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this last remark, its a
vegetable. It doesnt look like one, but it is.
I quite agree with
you, said the Duchess; and the moral of that isBe what you
would seem to beor if youd like it put more simplyNever
imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that
what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would
have appeared to them to be otherwise.
I think I should
understand that better, Alice said very politely, if I had it written
down: but I cant quite follow it as you say it.
Thats nothing
to what I could say if I chose, the Duchess replied, in a pleased tone.
Pray dont trouble
yourself to say it any longer than that, said Alice.
Oh, dont talk
about trouble! said the Duchess. I make you a present of everything
Ive said as yet.
A cheap sort of present!
thought Alice. Im glad they dont give birthday presents like
that! But she did not venture to say it out loud.
Thinking again?
the Duchess asked, with another dig of her sharp little chin.
Ive a right
to think, said Alice sharply, for she was beginning to feel a little worried.
Just about as much
right, said the Duchess, as pigs have to fly; and the m
But here, to Alices
great surprise, the Duchesss voice died away, even in the middle of her
favourite word moral, and the arm that was linked into hers began
to tremble. Alice looked up, and there stood the Queen in front of them, with
her arms folded, frowning like a thunderstorm.
A fine day, your
Majesty! the Duchess began in a low, weak voice.
Now, I give you fair
warning, shouted the Queen, stamping on the ground as she spoke; either
you or your head must be off, and that in about half no time! Take your choice!
The Duchess took her choice,
and was gone in a moment.
Lets go on
with the game, the Queen said to Alice; and Alice was too much frightened
to say a word, but slowly followed her back to the croquet-ground.
The other guests had taken
advantage of the Queens absence, and were resting in the shade: however,
the moment they saw her, they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking
that a moments delay would cost them their lives.
All the time they were
playing the Queen never left off quarrelling with the other players, and shouting
Off with his head! or Off with her head! Those whom
she sentenced were taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to
leave off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour or so
there were no arches left, and all the players, except the King, the Queen,
and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of execution.
Then the Queen left off,
quite out of breath, and said to Alice, Have you seen the Mock Turtle
yet?
No, said Alice.
I dont even know what a Mock Turtle is.
Its the thing
Mock Turtle Soup is made from, said the Queen.
I never saw one,
or heard of one, said Alice.
Come on, then,
said the Queen, and he shall tell you his history,
As they walked off together,
Alice heard the King say in a low voice, to the company generally, You
are all pardoned. Come, THATS a good thing! she said
to herself, for she had felt quite unhappy at the number of executions the Queen
had ordered.
They
very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the sun. (IF you dont
know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.) Up, lazy thing! said
the Queen, and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear
his history. I must go back and see after some executions I have ordered;
and she walked off, leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon. Alice did not quite
like the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would be quite
as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage Queen: so she waited.
The Gryphon sat up and
rubbed its eyes: then it watched the Queen till she was out of sight: then it
chuckled. What fun! said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.
What IS the fun?
said Alice.
Why, SHE, said
the Gryphon. Its all her fancy, that: they never executes nobody,
you know. Come on!
Everybody says come
on! here, thought Alice, as she went slowly after it: I never was
so ordered about in all my life, never!
They had not gone far before
they saw the Mock Turtle in the distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little
ledge of rock, and, as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if
his heart would break. She pitied him deeply. What is his sorrow?
she asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the same words
as before, Its all his fancy, that: he hasnt got no sorrow,
you know. Come on!
So they went up to the
Mock Turtle, who looked at them with large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.
This here young lady,
said the Gryphon, she wants for to know your history, she do.
Ill tell it
her, said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow tone: sit down, both
of you, and dont speak a word till Ive finished.
So they sat down, and nobody
spoke for some minutes. Alice thought to herself, I dont see how
he can EVEN finish, if he doesnt begin. But she waited patiently.
Once, said
the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, I was a real Turtle.
These words were followed
by a very long silence, broken only by an occasional exclamation of Hjckrrh!
from the Gryphon, and the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle. Alice was
very nearly getting up and saying, Thank you, sir, for your interesting
story, but she could not help thinking there MUST be more to come, so
she sat still and said nothing.
When we were little,
the Mock Turtle went on at last, more calmly, though still sobbing a little
now and then, we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtlewe
used to call him Tortoise
Why did you call
him Tortoise, if he wasnt one? Alice asked.
We called him Tortoise
because he taught us, said the Mock Turtle angrily: really you are
very dull!
You ought to be ashamed
of yourself for asking such a simple question, added the Gryphon; and
then they both sat silent and looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into
the earth. At last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, Drive on, old
fellow! Dont be all day about it! and he went on in these words:
Yes, we went to school
in the sea, though you maynt believe it
I never said I didnt!
interrupted Alice.
You did, said
the Mock Turtle.
Hold your tongue!
added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak again. The Mock Turtle went on.
We had the best of
educationsin fact, we went to school every day
IVE been to
a day-school, too, said Alice; you neednt be so proud as all
that.
With extras?
asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.
Yes, said Alice,
we learned French and music.
And washing?
said the Mock Turtle.
Certainly not!
said Alice indignantly.
Ah! then yours wasnt
a really good school, said the Mock Turtle in a tone of great relief.
Now at OURS they had at the end of the bill, French, music, AND WASHINGextra.
You couldnt
have wanted it much, said Alice; living at the bottom of the sea.
I couldnt afford
to learn it. said the Mock Turtle with a sigh. I only took the regular
course.
What was that?
inquired Alice.
Reeling and Writhing,
of course, to begin with, the Mock Turtle replied; and then the
different branches of ArithmeticAmbition, Distraction, Uglification, and
Derision.
I never heard of
Uglification, Alice ventured to say. What is it?
The Gryphon lifted up both
its paws in surprise. What! Never heard of uglifying! it exclaimed.
You know what to beautify is, I suppose?
Yes, said Alice
doubtfully: it meanstomakeanythingprettier.
Well, then,
the Gryphon went on, if you dont know what to uglify is, you ARE
a simpleton.
Alice did not feel encouraged
to ask any more questions about it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said
What else had you to learn?
Well, there was Mystery,
the Mock Turtle replied, counting off the subjects on his flappers, Mystery,
ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawlingthe Drawling-master
was an old conger-eel, that used to come once a week: HE taught us Drawling,
Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.
What was THAT like?
said Alice.
Well, I cant
show it you myself, the Mock Turtle said: Im too stiff. And
the Gryphon never learnt it.
Hadnt time,
said the Gryphon: I went to the Classics master, though. He was an old
crab, HE was.
I never went to him,
the Mock Turtle said with a sigh: he taught Laughing and Grief, they used
to say.
So he did, so he
did, said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn; and both creatures hid their
faces in their paws.
And how many hours
a day did you do lessons? said Alice, in a hurry to change the subject.
Ten hours the first
day, said the Mock Turtle: nine the next, and so on.
What a curious plan!
exclaimed Alice.
Thats the reason
theyre called lessons, the Gryphon remarked: because they
lessen from day to day.
This was quite a new idea
to Alice, and she thought it over a little before she made her next remark.
Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday?
Of course it was,
said the Mock Turtle.
And how did you manage
on the twelfth? Alice went on eagerly.
Thats enough
about lessons, the Gryphon interrupted in a very decided tone: tell
her something about the games now.
CHAPTER X. The Lobster Quadrille
The Mock Turtle sighed
deeply, and drew the back of one flapper across his eyes. He looked at Alice,
and tried to speak, but for a minute or two sobs choked his voice. Same
as if he had a bone in his throat, said the Gryphon: and it set to work
shaking him and punching him in the back. At last the Mock Turtle recovered
his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on again:
You may not have
lived much under the sea (I havent, said Alice)and
perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster (Alice began
to say I once tasted but checked herself hastily, and said
No, never) so you can have no idea what a delightful
thing a Lobster Quadrille is!
No, indeed,
said Alice. What sort of a dance is it?
Why, said the
Gryphon, you first form into a line along the sea-shore
Two lines!
cried the Mock Turtle. Seals, turtles, salmon, and so on; then, when youve
cleared all the jelly-fish out of the way
THAT generally takes
some time, interrupted the Gryphon.
you advance
twice
Each with a lobster
as a partner! cried the Gryphon.
Of course,
the Mock Turtle said: advance twice, set to partners
change lobsters,
and retire in same order, continued the Gryphon.
Then, you know,
the Mock Turtle went on, you throw the
The lobsters!
shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.
as far out
to sea as you can
Swim after them!
screamed the Gryphon.
Turn a somersault
in the sea! cried the Mock Turtle, capering wildly about.
Change lobsters again!
yelled the Gryphon at the top of its voice.
Back to land again,
and thats all the first figure, said the Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping
his voice; and the two creatures, who had been jumping about like mad things
all this time, sat down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.
It
must be a very pretty dance, said Alice timidly.
Would you like to
see a little of it? said the Mock Turtle.
Very much indeed,
said Alice.
Come, lets
try the first figure! said the Mock Turtle to the Gryphon. We can
do without lobsters, you know. Which shall sing?
Oh, YOU sing,
said the Gryphon. Ive forgotten the words.
So they began solemnly
dancing round and round Alice, every now and then treading on her toes when
they passed too close, and waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the
Mock Turtle sang this, very slowly and sadly:
Will you walk a little faster? said a whiting to a snail.
Theres a porpoise close behind us, and hes treading on my tail.
See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!
They are waiting on the shinglewill you come and join the dance?
Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, will you join the dance?
Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, wont you join the dance?
You can really have no notion how delightful it will be
When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to sea!
But the snail replied Too far, too far! and gave a look askance
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance.
Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance. What matters it how far we go? his scaly friend replied.
There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.
The further off from England the nearer is to France
Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.
Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, will you join the dance?
Will you, wont you, will you, wont you, wont you join the dance?
Thank
you, its a very interesting dance to watch, said Alice, feeling
very glad that it was over at last: and I do so like that curious song
about the whiting!
Oh, as to the whiting,
said the Mock Turtle, theyyouve seen them, of course?
Yes, said Alice,
Ive often seen them at dinn she checked herself hastily.
I dont know
where Dinn may be, said the Mock Turtle, but if youve seen
them so often, of course you know what theyre like.
I believe so,
Alice replied thoughtfully. They have their tails in their mouthsand
theyre all over crumbs.
Youre wrong
about the crumbs, said the Mock Turtle: crumbs would all wash off
in the sea. But they HAVE their tails in their mouths; and the reason is
here the Mock Turtle yawned and shut his eyes.Tell her about the
reason and all that, he said to the Gryphon.
The reason is,
said the Gryphon, that they WOULD go with the lobsters to the dance. So
they got thrown out to sea. So they had to fall a long way. So they got their
tails fast in their mouths. So they couldnt get them out again. Thats
all.
Thank you,
said Alice, its very interesting. I never knew so much about a whiting
before.
I can tell you more
than that, if you like, said the Gryphon. Do you know why its
called a whiting?
I never thought about
it, said Alice. Why?
IT DOES THE BOOTS
AND SHOES, the Gryphon replied very solemnly.
Alice was thoroughly puzzled.
Does the boots and shoes! she repeated in a wondering tone.
Why, what are YOUR
shoes done with? said the Gryphon. I mean, what makes them so shiny?
Alice looked down at them,
and considered a little before she gave her answer. Theyre done
with blacking, I believe.
Boots and shoes under
the sea, the Gryphon went on in a deep voice, are done with a whiting.
Now you know.
And what are they
made of? Alice asked in a tone of great curiosity.
Soles and eels, of
course, the Gryphon replied rather impatiently: any shrimp could
have told you that.
If Id been
the whiting, said Alice, whose thoughts were still running on the song,
Id have said to the porpoise, Keep back, please: we dont
want YOU with us!
They were obliged
to have him with them, the Mock Turtle said: no wise fish would
go anywhere without a porpoise.
Wouldnt it
really? said Alice in a tone of great surprise.
Of course not,
said the Mock Turtle: why, if a fish came to ME, and told me he was going
a journey, I should say With what porpoise?
Dont you mean
purpose? said Alice.
I mean what I say,
the Mock Turtle replied in an offended tone. And the Gryphon added Come,
lets hear some of YOUR adventures.
I could tell you
my adventuresbeginning from this morning, said Alice a little timidly:
but its no use going back to yesterday, because I was a different
person then.
Explain all that,
said the Mock Turtle.
No, no! The adventures
first, said the Gryphon in an impatient tone: explanations take
such a dreadful time.
So Alice began telling
them her adventures from the time when she first saw the White Rabbit. She was
a little nervous about it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her,
one on each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she gained
courage as she went on. Her listeners were perfectly quiet till she got to the
part about her repeating YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM, to the Caterpillar,
and the words all coming different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath,
and said Thats very curious.
Its all about
as curious as it can be, said the Gryphon.
It all came different!
the Mock Turtle repeated thoughtfully. I should like to hear her try and
repeat something now. Tell her to begin. He looked at the Gryphon as if
he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.
Stand up and repeat
TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD, said the Gryphon.
How the creatures
order one about, and make one repeat lessons! thought Alice; I might
as well be at school at once. However, she got up, and began to repeat
it, but her head was so full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew
what she was saying, and the words came very queer indeed:
Tis
the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,
You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair.
As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose
Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.
When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,
And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,
But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,
His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.
|
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Thats different
from what I used to say when I was a child, said the Gryphon.
Well, I never heard
it before, said the Mock Turtle; but it sounds uncommon nonsense.
Alice said nothing; she
had sat down with her face in her hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen
in a natural way again.
I should like to
have it explained, said the Mock Turtle.
She cant explain
it, said the Gryphon hastily. Go on with the next verse.
But about his toes?
the Mock Turtle persisted. How COULD he turn them out with his nose, you
know?
Its the first
position in dancing. Alice said; but was dreadfully puzzled by the whole
thing, and longed to change the subject.
Go on with the next
verse, the Gryphon repeated impatiently: it begins I passed by
his garden.
Alice did not dare to disobey,
though she felt sure it would all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling
voice:
I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,
How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie
[later editions continued as follows
The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,
While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.
When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,
Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:
While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,
And concluded the banquet]
What IS the use of
repeating all that stuff, the Mock Turtle interrupted, if you dont
explain it as you go on? Its by far the most confusing thing I ever heard!
Yes, I think youd
better leave off, said the Gryphon: and Alice was only too glad to do
so.
Shall we try another
figure of the Lobster Quadrille? the Gryphon went on. Or would you
like the Mock Turtle to sing you a song?
Oh, a song, please,
if the Mock Turtle would be so kind, Alice replied, so eagerly that the
Gryphon said, in a rather offended tone, Hm! No accounting for tastes!
Sing her Turtle Soup, will you, old fellow?
The Mock Turtle sighed
deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes choked with sobs, to sing this:
Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,
Waiting in a hot tureen!
Who for such dainties would not stoop?
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!
Beauootiful Soooop!
Beauootiful Soooop!
Soooop of the eeevening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup! Beautiful Soup! Who cares for fish,
Game, or any other dish?
Who would not give all else for two
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?
Beauootiful Soooop!
Beauootiful Soooop!
Soooop of the eeevening,
Beautiful, beautiFUL SOUP!
Chorus again!
cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had just begun to repeat it, when a cry
of The trials beginning! was heard in the distance.
Come on! cried
the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand, it hurried off, without waiting
for the end of the song.
What trial is it?
Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon only answered Come on!
and ran the faster, while more and more faintly came, carried on the breeze
that followed them, the melancholy words:
Soooop of the eeevening,
Beautiful, beautiful Soup!
CHAPTER XI. Who Stole the Tarts?
The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when they arrived,
with a great crowd assembled about themall sorts of little birds and beasts,
as well as the whole pack of cards: the Knave was standing before them,
in chains, with a soldier on each side to guard him; and near the King was the
White Rabbit, with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the other.
In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large dish of tarts upon
it: they looked so good, that it made Alice quite hungry to look at themI
wish theyd get the trial done, she thought, and hand round
the refreshments! But there seemed to be no chance of this, so she began
looking at everything about her, to pass away the time.
Alice had never been in
a court of justice before, but she had read about them in books, and she was
quite pleased to find that she knew the name of nearly everything there. Thats
the judge, she said to herself, because of his great wig.
The
judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown over the wig, (look
at the frontispiece if you want to see how he did it,) he did not look at all
comfortable, and it was certainly not becoming.
And thats the
jury-box, thought Alice, and those twelve creatures, (she
was obliged to say creatures, you see, because some of them were
animals, and some were birds,) I suppose they are the jurors. She
said this last word two or three times over to herself, being rather proud of
it: for she thought, and rightly too, that very few little girls of her age
knew the meaning of it at all. However, jury-men would have done
just as well.
The twelve jurors were
all writing very busily on slates. What are they doing? Alice whispered
to the Gryphon. They cant have anything to put down yet, before
the trials begun.
Theyre putting
down their names, the Gryphon whispered in reply, for fear they
should forget them before the end of the trial.
Stupid things!
Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but she stopped hastily, for the White
Rabbit cried out, Silence in the court! and the King put on his
spectacles and looked anxiously round, to make out who was talking.
Alice could see, as well
as if she were looking over their shoulders, that all the jurors were writing
down stupid things! on their slates, and she could even make out
that one of them didnt know how to spell stupid, and that
he had to ask his neighbour to tell him. A nice muddle their slatesll
be in before the trials over! thought Alice.
One of the jurors had a
pencil that squeaked. This of course, Alice could not stand, and she went round
the court and got behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it
away. She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was Bill, the Lizard)
could not make out at all what had become of it; so, after hunting all about
for it, he was obliged to write with one finger for the rest of the day; and
this was of very little use, as it left no mark on the slate.
Herald,
read the accusation! said the King.
On this the White Rabbit
blew three blasts on the trumpet, and then unrolled the parchment scroll, and
read as follows:
The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,
All on a summer day:
The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,
And took them quite away!
Consider your verdict,
the King said to the jury.
Not yet, not yet!
the Rabbit hastily interrupted. Theres a great deal to come before
that!
Call the first witness,
said the King; and the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called
out, First witness!
The
first witness was the Hatter. He came in with a teacup in one hand and a piece
of bread-and-butter in the other. I beg pardon, your Majesty, he
began, for bringing these in: but I hadnt quite finished my tea
when I was sent for.
You ought to have
finished, said the King. When did you begin?
The Hatter looked at the
March Hare, who had followed him into the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse.
Fourteenth of March, I think it was, he said.
Fifteenth,
said the March Hare.
Sixteenth,
added the Dormouse.
Write that down,
the King said to the jury, and the jury eagerly wrote down all three dates on
their slates, and then added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and
pence.
Take off your hat,
the King said to the Hatter.
It isnt mine,
said the Hatter.
Stolen! the
King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who instantly made a memorandum of the
fact.
I keep them to sell,
the Hatter added as an explanation; Ive none of my own. Im
a hatter.
Here the Queen put on her
spectacles, and began staring at the Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.
Give your evidence,
said the King; and dont be nervous, or Ill have you executed
on the spot.
This did not seem to encourage
the witness at all: he kept shifting from one foot to the other, looking uneasily
at the Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his teacup instead
of the bread-and-butter.
Just at this moment Alice
felt a very curious sensation, which puzzled her a good deal until she made
out what it was: she was beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at
first she would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she decided
to remain where she was as long as there was room for her.
I wish you wouldnt
squeeze so. said the Dormouse, who was sitting next to her. I can
hardly breathe.
I cant help
it, said Alice very meekly: Im growing.
Youve no right
to grow here, said the Dormouse.
Dont talk nonsense,
said Alice more boldly: you know youre growing too.
Yes, but I grow at
a reasonable pace, said the Dormouse: not in that ridiculous fashion.
And he got up very sulkily and crossed over to the other side of the court.
All this time the Queen
had never left off staring at the Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed
the court, she said to one of the officers of the court, Bring me the
list of the singers in the last concert! on which the wretched Hatter
trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.
Give your evidence,
the King repeated angrily, or Ill have you executed, whether youre
nervous or not.
Im a poor man,
your Majesty, the Hatter began, in a trembling voice, and
I hadnt begun my teanot above a week or soand what with the
bread-and-butter getting so thinand the twinkling of the tea
The twinkling of
the what? said the King.
It began with the
tea, the Hatter replied.
Of course twinkling
begins with a T! said the King sharply. Do you take me for a dunce?
Go on!
Im a poor man,
the Hatter went on, and most things twinkled after thatonly the
March Hare said
I didnt!
the March Hare interrupted in a great hurry.
You did! said
the Hatter.
I deny it!
said the March Hare.
He denies it,
said the King: leave out that part.
Well, at any rate,
the Dormouse said the Hatter went on, looking anxiously round to
see if he would deny it too: but the Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.
After that,
continued the Hatter, I cut some more bread-and-butter
But what did the
Dormouse say? one of the jury asked.
That I cant
remember, said the Hatter.
You MUST remember,
remarked the King, or Ill have you executed.
The miserable Hatter dropped
his teacup and bread-and-butter, and went down on one knee. Im a
poor man, your Majesty, he began.
Youre a very
poor speaker, said the King.
Here one of the guinea-pigs
cheered, and was immediately suppressed by the officers of the court. (As that
is rather a hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done. They had
a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings: into this they
slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat upon it.)
Im glad Ive
seen that done, thought Alice. Ive so often read in the newspapers,
at the end of trials, There was some attempts at applause, which was immediately
suppressed by the officers of the court, and I never understood what it meant
till now.
If thats all
you know about it, you may stand down, continued the King.
I cant go no
lower, said the Hatter: Im on the floor, as it is.
Then you may SIT
down, the King replied.
Here the other guinea-pig
cheered, and was suppressed.
Come, that finished
the guinea-pigs! thought Alice. Now we shall get on better.
Id rather finish
my tea, said the Hatter, with an anxious look at the Queen, who was reading
the list of singers.
You
may go, said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the court, without
even waiting to put his shoes on.
and just take
his head off outside, the Queen added to one of the officers: but the
Hatter was out of sight before the officer could get to the door.
Call the next witness!
said the King.
The next witness was the
Duchesss cook. She carried the pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed
who it was, even before she got into the court, by the way the people near the
door began sneezing all at once.
Give your evidence,
said the King.
Shant,
said the cook.
The King looked anxiously
at the White Rabbit, who said in a low voice, Your Majesty must cross-examine
THIS witness.
Well, if I must,
I must, the King said, with a melancholy air, and, after folding his arms
and frowning at the cook till his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in
a deep voice, What are tarts made of?
Pepper, mostly,
said the cook.
Treacle, said
a sleepy voice behind her.
Collar that Dormouse,
the Queen shrieked out. Behead that Dormouse! Turn that Dormouse out of
court! Suppress him! Pinch him! Off with his whiskers!
For some minutes the whole
court was in confusion, getting the Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they
had settled down again, the cook had disappeared.
Never mind!
said the King, with an air of great relief. Call the next witness.
And he added in an undertone to the Queen, Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine
the next witness. It quite makes my forehead ache!
Alice watched the White
Rabbit as he fumbled over the list, feeling very curious to see what the next
witness would be like, for they havent got much evidence YET,
she said to herself. Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at
the top of his shrill little voice, the name Alice!
CHAPTER XII. Alices Evidence
Here!
cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the moment how large she had
grown in the last few minutes, and she jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped
over the jury-box with the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to
the heads of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding
her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset the week before.
Oh, I BEG your pardon!
she exclaimed in a tone of great dismay, and began picking them up again as
quickly as she could, for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head,
and she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once and put
back into the jury-box, or they would die.
The trial cannot
proceed, said the King in a very grave voice, until all the jurymen
are back in their proper placesALL, he repeated with great emphasis,
looking hard at Alice as he said do.
Alice looked at the jury-box,
and saw that, in her haste, she had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the
poor little thing was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite
unable to move. She soon got it out again, and put it right; not that
it signifies much, she said to herself; I should think it would
be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the other.
As soon as the jury had
a little recovered from the shock of being upset, and their slates and pencils
had been found and handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to
write out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed too much
overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open, gazing up into the roof
of the court.
What do you know
about this business? the King said to Alice.
Nothing, said
Alice.
Nothing WHATEVER?
persisted the King.
Nothing whatever,
said Alice.
Thats very
important, the King said, turning to the jury. They were just beginning
to write this down on their slates, when the White Rabbit interrupted: UNimportant,
your Majesty means, of course, he said in a very respectful tone, but
frowning and making faces at him as he spoke.
UNimportant, of course,
I meant, the King hastily said, and went on to himself in an undertone,
importantunimportantunimportantimportant
as if he were trying which word sounded best.
Some of the jury wrote
it down important, and some unimportant. Alice could
see this, as she was near enough to look over their slates; but it doesnt
matter a bit, she thought to herself.
At this moment the King,
who had been for some time busily writing in his note-book, cackled out Silence!
and read out from his book, Rule Forty-two. ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE
HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.
Everybody looked at Alice.
IM not a mile
high, said Alice.
You are, said
the King.
Nearly two miles
high, added the Queen.
Well, I shant
go, at any rate, said Alice: besides, thats not a regular
rule: you invented it just now.
Its the oldest
rule in the book, said the King.
Then it ought to
be Number One, said Alice.
The King turned pale, and
shut his note-book hastily. Consider your verdict, he said to the
jury, in a low, trembling voice.
Theres more
evidence to come yet, please your Majesty, said the White Rabbit, jumping
up in a great hurry; this paper has just been picked up.
Whats in it?
said the Queen.
I havent opened
it yet, said the White Rabbit, but it seems to be a letter, written
by the prisoner toto somebody.
It must have been
that, said the King, unless it was written to nobody, which isnt
usual, you know.
Who is it directed
to? said one of the jurymen.
It isnt directed
at all, said the White Rabbit; in fact, theres nothing written
on the OUTSIDE. He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added It
isnt a letter, after all: its a set of verses.
Are they in the prisoners
handwriting? asked another of the jurymen.
No, theyre
not, said the White Rabbit, and thats the queerest thing about
it. (The jury all looked puzzled.)
He must have imitated
somebody elses hand, said the King. (The jury all brightened up
again.)
Please your Majesty,
said the Knave, I didnt write it, and they cant prove I did:
theres no name signed at the end.
If you didnt
sign it, said the King, that only makes the matter worse. You MUST
have meant some mischief, or else youd have signed your name like an honest
man.
There was a general clapping
of hands at this: it was the first really clever thing the King had said that
day.
That PROVES his guilt,
said the Queen.
It proves nothing
of the sort! said Alice. Why, you dont even know what theyre
about!
Read them,
said the King.
The White Rabbit put on
his spectacles. Where shall I begin, please your Majesty? he asked.
Begin at the beginning,
the King said gravely, and go on till you come to the end: then stop.
These were the verses the
White Rabbit read:
They told me
you had been to her,
And mentioned me to him:
She gave me a good character,
But said I could not swim.
He sent them word I had not gone
(We know it to be true):
If she should push the matter on,
What would become of you?
I gave her one, they gave him two,
You gave us three or more;
They all returned from him to you,
Though they were mine before.
If I or she should chance to be
Involved in this affair,
He trusts to you to set them free,
Exactly as we were.
My notion was that you had been
(Before she had this fit)
An obstacle that came between
Him, and ourselves, and it.
Dont let him know she liked them best,
For this must ever be
A secret, kept from all the rest,
Between yourself and me.
Thats the most
important piece of evidence weve heard yet, said the King, rubbing
his hands; so now let the jury
If any one of them
can explain it, said Alice, (she had grown so large in the last few minutes
that she wasnt a bit afraid of interrupting him,) Ill give
him sixpence. I dont believe theres an atom of meaning in
it.
The jury all wrote down
on their slates, SHE doesnt believe theres an atom of meaning
in it, but none of them attempted to explain the paper.
If theres no
meaning in it, said the King, that saves a world of trouble, you
know, as we neednt try to find any. And yet I dont know, he
went on, spreading out the verses on his knee, and looking at them with one
eye; I seem to see some meaning in them, after all. SAID I COULD
NOT SWIM you cant swim, can you? he added, turning to the
Knave.
The Knave shook his head
sadly. Do I look like it? he said. (Which he certainly did NOT,
being made entirely of cardboard.)
All right, so far,
said the King, and he went on muttering over the verses to himself: WE
KNOW IT TO BE TRUE thats the jury, of courseI GAVE HER ONE,
THEY GAVE HIM TWO why, that must be what he did with the tarts, you know
But, it goes on THEY
ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU, said Alice.
Why, there they are!
said the King triumphantly, pointing to the tarts on the table. Nothing
can be clearer than THAT. Then againBEFORE SHE HAD THIS FIT you
never had fits, my dear, I think? he said to the Queen.
Never! said
the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the Lizard as she spoke. (The unfortunate
little Bill had left off writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it
made no mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was trickling
down his face, as long as it lasted.)
Then the words dont
FIT you, said the King, looking round the court with a smile. There was
a dead silence.
Its a pun!
the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed, Let the jury
consider their verdict, the King said, for about the twentieth time that
day.
No, no! said
the Queen. Sentence firstverdict afterwards.
Stuff and nonsense!
said Alice loudly. The idea of having the sentence first!
Hold your tongue!
said the Queen, turning purple.
I wont!
said Alice.
Off with her head!
the Queen shouted at the top of her voice. Nobody moved.
Who cares for you?
said Alice, (she had grown to her full size by this time.) Youre
nothing but a pack of cards!
At
this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying down upon her: she
gave a little scream, half of fright and half of anger, and tried to beat them
off, and found herself lying on the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister,
who was gently brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the
trees upon her face.
Wake up, Alice dear!
said her sister; Why, what a long sleep youve had!
Oh, Ive had
such a curious dream! said Alice, and she told her sister, as well as
she could remember them, all these strange Adventures of hers that you have
just been reading about; and when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and
said, It WAS a curious dream, dear, certainly: but now run in to your
tea; its getting late. So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while
she ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.
But her sister sat still
just as she left her, leaning her head on her hand, watching the setting sun,
and thinking of little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too
began dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:
First, she dreamed of little
Alice herself, and once again the tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and
the bright eager eyes were looking up into hersshe could hear the very
tones of her voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back
the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyesand still as she
listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place around her became alive with the strange
creatures of her little sisters dream.
The long grass rustled
at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried bythe frightened Mouse splashed
his way through the neighbouring poolshe could hear the rattle of the
teacups as the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal, and
the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate guests to executiononce
more the pig-baby was sneezing on the Duchesss knee, while plates and
dishes crashed around itonce more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking
of the Lizards slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,
filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable Mock Turtle.
So she sat on, with closed
eyes, and half believed herself in Wonderland, though she knew she had but to
open them again, and all would change to dull realitythe grass would be
only rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the reedsthe
rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-bells, and the Queens
shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd boyand the sneeze of the baby,
the shriek of the Gryphon, and all the other queer noises, would change (she
knew) to the confused clamour of the busy farm-yardwhile the lowing of
the cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtles heavy
sobs.
Lastly, she pictured to
herself how this same little sister of hers would, in the after-time, be herself
a grown woman; and how she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple
and loving heart of her childhood: and how she would gather about her other
little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager with many a strange tale,
perhaps even with the dream of Wonderland of long ago: and how she would feel
with all their simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,
remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.
THE END
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